News of the Week, 3/4/2005
March 4, 2005, 11:55 a.m. EST

A round-up of the week's ethics-related news. Warning: may contain satire.

Top Stories
The Supreme Court ruled executions of anyone under the age of 18 to be unconstitutional. Waves of murdering teenagers wrested control of metropolitan areas form Georgia to Maryland. Corpses dot the interstates; "Candy Shop" echoes from church bell towers. (NYT)

In other Supreme Court news, the justices heard arguments in two cases debating the constitutionality of government displays of the Ten Commandments. As Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott argued the right to display the religious text, Justice John Paul Stevens asked, "Yo, who this cat 'Thou' you keep sweating, and why y'all up in his shit?" (CNN)

Capping a busy week, the Supreme Court ruled that clandestine agents for the CIA can not sue the agency for breach of contract, even if they "did get totally gypped out of a submarine that looks like a crocodile." (WP)

International
The Pakistani parliament rejected a bill introduced by a female legislator that would have strengthened laws against "honor killing," the practice of family members executing female relatives thought to have dishonored them. The parliament also expanded the list of offenses worthy of honor killing to include smoking in bars, double parking, and introducing bills that would ban honor killing. (New Kerala)

The British Court of Appeal said that a school in Bedfordshire must allow one of its female Muslim students to wear a traditional gown instead of a uniform. The court also suggested that the school change its soccer team's name to something other than the "Righteous Conquerors of the Holy Land." (BBC)

The United States dropped a demand that a report issued by the United Nations Commission on the Status of Women contain an amendment stating that human rights "do not include the right to abortion." The United States acquiesced when the Pakistani delegation agreed to remove its amendment stating that human rights include "the right to be honor-killed." (AP)

National
The American Civil Liberties Union sued Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld on behalf of eight Iraqi ex-prisoners, claiming that he is responsible for their abuse at the hands of US soldiers. The defense secretary was unavailable for comment, his spokesman saying that Mr. Rumsfeld was busy "not planning to attack Iran." (ACLU)

The House of Representatives voted to allow religious groups participating in a federal job-training program to make hiring decisions based on job candidates' religious beliefs. "These groups should be free to ignore factors like experience, intelligence, and general competence," House Majority Leader Tom DeLay said, "just like American voters." (LAT)

UPDATE! Murdering teens overrun the National Guard, advance on Philadelphia demanding weed and Fritos.

A federal district judge ruled that the Bush administration can not indefinitely detain terrorism suspect Jose Padilla and ordered he be either charged or released. The judge also ordered every news organization in America to start pronouncing Mr. Padilla's name "pa-DILL-uh." (WP)

The school board in Green Cove Springs, Fla. declined to overrule a public high school principal's decisions to pull a female student's senior class picture from the yearbook because it shows her wearing a tuxedo, and to fire the yearbook editor for refusing to remove the picture. One parent supported the principal, claiming, "When uniformity is compromised, then authority no longer holds." The board then authorized the Ministry of Truth to take the student away to the place where there is no darkness. (Gainesville Sun)

Business
Martha Stewart was released from prison and will now serve several months under house arrest, though she'll be allowed to spend 48 hours per week at her job as CEO of Martha Stewart Omnimedia, whose stock soared while Ms Stewart was incarcerated for obstructing justice. The company's board of directors encouraged Ms Stewart to try kidnapping next. (AP)

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